I know I should not anthropomorpize you... you are insects, not people...but sometimes, I can't help myself. I like to think that maybe, in some way, you have emotions. Because if you have some sort of emotions, that means that maybe you could understand my emotions, and these days, I really wish there was someone or something that could truly relate to me. The truth is that humans, as much as we try, can never truly, fully understand one another. We are limited in that we are very individual creatures. Yes, we have the power of speech, but sometimes I think even that limits us in some ways. We can talk and talk, with word after word after word, and still leave each other totally confused. Sometimes even when we think we understand, in reality, we couldn't be further from knowing the real truth that someone was trying to explain to us. It's mostly just educated guessing between us humans. We are ever limited by the life experiences we have had, the impressions they have left on us, and our ability to imagine the reality of others.
I don't think you can comprehend, my little apis mellifera, just how beautiful your communication is. I recently read about the queen and her court in the hive. Inside the hive, the queen moves around the combs laying eggs. She is surrounded by a court of worker bees that feed and groom her, but not all bees in the court are feeding or grooming. Some of those bees are just touching. They touch the queen, and then they touch other workers to spread the queen's pheromones. Those workers touch other bees, further spreading the pheromones and confirming with every bee in the hive that all is well. There is order. Things are okay. We are safe. Tens of thousands of you are living just to support each other. You exist as individual bees, but you could not exist alone. The only way you can live on is as part of a single, greater organism.
Sometimes there is nothing I would like more than to be able to communicate like you, my bees. I wish that, through touch, I could let those around me know that everything is okay. I would touch someone I care about, and then, through every subsequent touch with others, I would let them know that all was well. Things are okay. There is order. We are safe. I wish that through touch alone, we could come to truly understand each other, that through touch we could shed the limitations of our own realities and simply just "know" what is real - for you, for me, for all of us.
There are limits to your beautifully simple communication, though, dear bees. With a little puff of smoke I can temporarily mask pheromones that you use to communicate. And lately I feel like my own life is filled with smoke. Communication is blocked. I try and try, but there is confusion. There is an absence of understanding. My heart breaks with each reminder of how very limited we are in our ability to understand not just each other as human beings, but also the world around us.
So, I will keep watching you. Maybe if I watch long enough, I will learn more of your secrets. And maybe when a few of you land on me as I work with the hive and your tiny feet and antennae brush against my hands, we will share a moment of true understanding.
Photo by Marc D.M. Croswell
Love,
Sarah
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